What I live for...

This little girl right here. Liara can absolutely make my day, just by flashing this smile right here. Look at her sweet little teeth, and those adorable cheeks! I adore everything about her, and she makes my heart melt.

Here she is with her very own washcloth, getting ready to help Mommy dust. My least favorite chore has now become one of my favorites, simply because she does it with me. How can you not like dusting when you have a super helper like her?!

And, these two, my sweet little monkeys... are my life. They can make me happy, even when I've had the worst day ever. They can make me smile, when no one else can. They are who I want to see every second of every day, and who I couldn't live without.

I'm so in love with my family. It's funny, because people say that I'm a little over the top sometimes when it comes to my daughter, because I talk about her NON STOP and am constantly raving about how wonderful every little thing about her is... but here's the thing- it's honest. I know some people crave space and time to themselves. I'm not like that. I would rather spend every second of every day with these two people. Do you know what I do in my "spare time" (that phrase is almost laughable by the way... I have none!)? I look through the pictures of Liara, write in her journal or her baby book, or call someone to talk about her... I'm obsessed. But, who can tell me that it's wrong to do that, when it's what makes me happy? Is it wrong to adore your child and cherish every second with them? Does everyone not say to love every bit of it because it flies by? Then why tell me I'm crazy for doing just that? I don't get it.

I think another reason I try to live so in the moment is my crazy fear of dying young. I don't know why I tend to think this way, maybe because of Dad... I dunno. Nic and I were talking about it on the way home from the grocery store last night, and I couldn't help but bust out crying... that's how scared of it I am. I am properly terrified that I'll die before Liara will remember me. I'm afraid that I won't get to do the things that I so long to do with her (like take her to the park and watch her slide down the slide by herself, or swing super high... or have her first boyfriend (EEK!) or get married and have babies of her very own to love). Is that normal? I stay awake panic stricken about it sometimes. I think that's why I keep a journal for her actually... so that at least she'll be able to see in my own handwriting how much I loved her, and how I adored every second I got with her. How morbid is that?! I'm just so in love and I don't want it to ever stop. Ever. I live for every second with my husband and daughter.