Excited? Me? Nah....

I'm beyond excited for our trip home. I took Li out shopping a little this morning (nothing extreme, just to pick up a few things for the trip that we had forgotten about, like baby sunscreen). I bought her a new toy phone and a new teething toy to play with on the plane to hopefully help make the super long journey a little more bearable... wish me luck! I also bought her a new swimming suit (two actually... they were on sale for 2.50!!!). I bought myself one as well (a one piece since the two piece swimming suits I have tend to show off my warrior/stretch marks). We are now pool ready :)

I also went ahead and bought Liara some jars of baby food/packets of food for the plane. She'll have all three of her feedings on the plane (we get there at 2 Houston time, so 8 our time, which is pretty much when we normally get ready for bed), and I didn't want to mess with trying to keep her food frozen and having to thaw it out. I let her try some of it today at her lunch time feed (I bought all organic stuff, that actually looks, smells and tastes yummy!) and she LOVED it. Like, she scarfed down half the jar in no time... hmm. Either she really likes the tastes of pear and banana together, or she likes the stuff better than the homemade goodness that I've been providing. She's had bananas (and liked them) and she's had pears (and loved them) but I hadn't put them together... so maybe that's it. Is it bad that my child apparently prefers store-bought food to homemade?

Oh well... at least I know she'll eat on the plane.

I also got her a cute little outfit to wear on the plane from Houston to Seattle... since she's wearing my favorite outfit tomorrow (Mommy's little love bug). It's a super sweet dress with little bloomers underneath (that's pretty much all the girl wears now anyway since pants tend to be too big on her at the waist, she's long and slim).

Anyways, I'm heading off to clean up the kitchen, again, and see if I can't get her down for nap so I can get some more packing done.

Who's Ready?!

Ok... so I thought I'd post our crazy schedule for our trip home so that I don't have to repeat myself a million times (like I haven't already!).

Friday, the 6th:

At 6 am our flight leaves from Aberdeen and we fly to Amsterdam (we get there at 8:40). At 10:40, we leave Amsterdam and fly to Houston. We get there at 1:55, and are spending the night with Cris and Tony (Nic's parents).

Saturday, the 7th:

We fly from Houston to Dallas (2-2:55), then from Dallas to Seattle (3:55-7:10). We'll pick up our bags and meet with my Mom, Raime & Joey (sister and brother in law) and Raisa, Taylor and Dax (nieces and nephews). Then we'll head back to arrivals, and pick up my grandparents! We'll all drive back to Olympia that night (in two packed cars!)

Sunday, the 8th-Wednesday, the 11th:

We'll visit with the above mentioned people, then take Great & Grandaddy to the airport so they can fly to California to visit with Thralene (my great aunt).

Wednesday, the 11th-Sunday, the 15th:

We'll continue to visit with Mom, Raime, Joey, Raisa, Taylor & Dax... with some family friends thrown in the mix every now and then.

Monday, the 16th:

We fly from Seattle to Dallas (9:25-4:25), then from Dallas to Houston (5:00-6:05! Eek... that's a tight plane change!). We'll then pick up the rental car, grab a quick bite to eat with Nic's family, and then drive to Galveston. We'll check into Moody Gardens that night :)

Tuesday, the 17th-Thursday, the 18th:

Nic has to attend a conference (the Deepwater Intervention Forum annual conference... he's on the board) during the day, so he'll be busy doing that while Liara and I catch some sunshine and enjoy the pools and activities at Moody Gardens and in Galveston :) At night, we'll catch up with some friends I'm sure and I think some friends of ours are joining me during the daytime (and possibly my cousin too!) a day or two.

Friday, the 19th:

We'll drive back to Houston, turn in the rental car, and stay with Nic's parents again.

Saturday, the 20th-Monday, the 23rd:

We'll still be at Cris & Tony's house. We do have some plans for these days to visit with friends, as well as have a barbeque where family and friends can come and visit and meet Liara for the first time! On Monday, we have a picnic planned for lunchtime :) We'll also get a family photo session done thanks to Marco (Nic's cousin). I'm excited!

Tuesday, the 24th:

We leave to come back to Aberdeen. We fly out at 3:55 and arrive in Amsterdam at 8:05 am, Wednesday.

Wednesday, the 25th:

We finish our flight home... we leave Amsterdam at 10:05 am, and arrive back in Aberdeen at 10:30. We plan to unpack, start laundry and sleep... Nic goes back to work on the 26th.

We still won't get to see everyone that we wanted to (like the rest of my family in the Lubbock/Amarillo/Plainview area...), but hopefully we'll get to see everyone we can while we're there! I'm glad that our landlords come over twice a day every day to feed their horses & shetland ponies, as they'll be checking in on the house and stuff as well. That's a huge comfort to me!

We're still waiting on a few documents to come through for Liara's visa application, which is making me a little nervous. The lawyer needs to amend one of her letters to change a date... that should be arriving today. The one that worries me is the bank statements. I've ordered them from the bank (we get online statements and they don't actually look like statements, so I had to order the original statements from the bank... pain in the booty!), but they still haven't come in yet. We didn't get any mail today, so they had better get here tomorrow or I'm not sure what we'll do about that. :/ Why in the world it takes up to 7 business days to get paper statements is beyond me. Don't you just hit "print" and then stick them in an envelope and mail them (they can't blame the mail either, everything gets here in one day since the country is so small)? So far we're on day 4... so I'm hoping they aren't going to need day 6 or 7! EEK! Too bad I didn't know we were going to need them before Friday. Here I thought that I was doing a good thing to save some trees....

Ok... I've got too many things to do to sit and worry about stuff I can't control. I've got to finish making my list of things to pack and get some stuff sorted! We leave the day after tomorrow! Hip hip hooray! :)

Feelin' Good

The past few weeks have been horrible, but things are looking up now! We finally decided to hire a solicitor (lawyer) to help us with Liara's visa issues and she's been wonderful. Hopefully, with her help, things will go smoothly and we can get the necessary evil over with sooner and we won't have to stay in the US by ourselves! Hooray! Fugro has been wonderful and is picking up the tab for her services, double hooray! With all the added expenses regarding her visa and the new car, etc... we didn't know how we were going to swing that, so I'm really happy with Fugro right now.

So, now that the immigration situation is under control, I'm in full swing to get ready for our trip home. I've been doing dishes and laundry and trying to get the house in order (no one likes to come home to a messy house!) before we leave. I'm doing my best to leave the packing until Wednesday or Thursday, but I've been tempted every day to go ahead and get it done. Oh, I've called the airline to check to make sure everything is all clear for our trip as well (like to reserve the little basket for her to sleep in on the plane... they supply them for you free of charge if you ask in advance!) and found out that Nic and I aren't sitting together!!! WHAT?! They have me sitting in a section that doesn't have seats in front of it (so that I can lay the basket on the floor... makes sense) but there are already people sitting next to me on all sides (I'm in the second seat in the section) and the closest open seat is directly behind me. BOO. Hopefully I'll sit next to someone really nice with no children themselves and they'll swap seats with Nic.

Other than that, there isn't really a whole lot going on here... just the usual stuff. We finished filming a few missing shots for the National Geographic show this weekend with Graham, Pauline, Bob, and Dave (well... Nic did, Li and I are still not in this show, I don't want her on TV quite yet). It was good to catch up with them, but man, I miss Vinnie and his crew- they're so quick! We spent pretty much all day Saturday (6 hours) filming about 30 seconds worth of stuff... but Liara was perfect and was so super quiet the whole time. As soon as we were done, she was her usual noisy self again though. She's a pro at this filming stuff! Sunday, we took Pauline and Graham to visit with Mike at Bowtech (SUCH a nice guy!) and then headed over to Costco to pick up a few things. I'm so grateful for that place, even though it can get expensive because you always end up buying more than you go in for... they carry some American stuff that we can't get anywhere else here (like proper marshmallows and popcorn). I can't wait to get back to the USA on FRIDAY!!!

Ok, I need to go finish the dishes and make some lunch before Nic gets home for his break... plus, Liara is getting tired of playing by herself (she's getting really good at that, but only for like 10 minute increments). I hope everyone else is having a great week! :)

Separation Anxiety

We've had a lot of stress in our household recently. Between finding out that Li doesn't qualify for a UK passport, to buying our new car (which we finally were able to do after a week of constant trouble!), to trying to get Li a visa so that she can remain in the UK. We've had what seems like a constant stream of problems come through our door and Nic and I are trying our damnedest to not let it get to us. It's hard to try to be chipper and excited about stuff when it seems like your whole world is falling apart. I've always said that no matter what happens, as long as we're together I'm happy. Well, we'll have to see if I can be happy when we're apart I guess... I have to at least give it a shot.

The latest news in the quest for Liara's visa is that we have to have 533 pounds extra in our bank account for three months to prove that we can support her without any public funds. Um, hi... who has an extra 830 dollars just lying around each month? I know we don't between paying all our bills here and the US. We may not have that much extra money each month, but we do pay all of our bills without asking for anything from the government in terms of assistance and have been doing so for the past 6 months. Doesn't that say anything?! Isn't that proof enough? Had I known we were going to have to prove this, I probably would have moved some money around to make sure this happened, but we only found out because I had e-mailed the UK Consulate General to ask some questions and clarify some things that I've been told about the visa process. I would have been super pissed off if I had applied for her visa and then been denied based on this little clause. So, anyway... because we don't have that in our favor, she's not going to be given her visa most likely (I'm still trying to figure something out...) she won't be allowed back in the UK for now. So, as of right now, the plan is for Liara and I to stay in the US for the three months necessary to prove we can afford our child (ugh) and get her visa sorted... then return to the UK with Nic. Nic has to go back to work, so he'll be coming home alone. I hate this. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I'll say it again... I hate this. I don't want to be separated from my husband, and more importantly, I don't want my daughter to be separated from her father. I can't even think about it without crying... I'm having a super emotional day.

I am so beyond upset with this whole process... especially due to the fact that she was born in this freaking country, and now they are making it so incredibly difficult for her to remain here. We aren't asking for anything... just for the right to be together. It makes me regret moving here in the first place. I have so many bitter feelings about living over here that it's ruining this whole experience. While I have really enjoyed living here, the way things are being handled now have made me want to move my little family back home as fast as we can. ALL of us.

I know that we can do this, we can live apart from each other... we've done it before (when Nic and I were still dating). However, I don't want to do that again. Not with Liara. I'm broken hearted and am going through serious separation anxiety issues and it's not even time for us to be apart yet.

At least this time we'll have skype and facebook and whatnot to keep us a little more connected to each other. I'm pretty good at updating facebook with pictures every week, I guess I'll have to be better about it (by the way... if you aren't my friend on facebook and want to be- here's my profile: http://www.facebook.com/#!/jen.alvarado. I keep it way more updated than this blog!).

I'm off to spend some quality time with my hubby... I'm going to soak up every second I can while I can!

FUMING!

Ok, so I need to vent because I'm about to lose it. I'm so glad that Li is upstairs sleeping soundly, because I'm sure I'm mumbling explicatives under my breath.

As soon as Liara was settled for her nap today, I called the UK Border Agency to discuss her status here in the UK. I needed to figure out what needs to be done to secure her visa and be assured that she would be allowed to remain here with us in the UK. Here's what I found out:

1. She definitely does need a visa to be here legally.

2. It takes anywhere from 4-14 weeks to get said visa (leaning more towards the 14 side, so says Steven, the guy I talked to).

3. If I submit our application by post (it's pretty much a given for the 14 week timeline), it is 475 pounds.

4. We can submit her application in person and the process is much quicker... however, the only office in Scotland is in Glasgow. Oh, and if you do it in person it's 730 pounds (yes... $1,000).

5. If we leave the country and she does not have a visa, she will NOT be allowed back in, even if we say she's just visiting.

So here's my problem: we leave for the US on non-refundable tickets on the 6th of August. That's definitely only 16 days, not 4 weeks. So most likely, Liara won't have her visa ready in time. Even if we pay the extra amount and go to Glasgow (I've made an appointment for the 27th, just in case), there is no guarantee that we'll get her visa in time. So, do I wait and just see if I can get her a visa in the US and reschedule flights, or should I try to get it done before we go... apparently it will be pretty much the same cost to do that.

I'm absolutely furious. We've already paid like 200 pounds for her passport (that she wasn't granted) that we aren't getting refunded... now they want 730 more?! I seriously want to go home and stay there. I don't want to be here anymore. The fact that they have rejected her hurts me more than I care to admit. I have the most amazing little girl in the whole world, and they don't want her here. I just want to go home.

Rules Schmules

It took us about half a day to get Liara's US passport (including a quick trip to Edinburgh to drop off paperwork and sign some documents at the US Embassy), so I figured that her UK passport would be as easy... right?! WRONG.

For the last five months or so, I've been communicating back and forth with the UK Identity and Passport Service in order to apply for Liara's UK passport. Turns out, after five months of talking on the phone, writing letters back and forth, sending documentation, etc., that it was all for nothing. I'm so frustrated that I could scream and am having a hard time keeping all my thoughts straight. They are not considering Liara a citizen (or even a resident for goodness sake!) of the UK, even though she was conceived, carried, and born here. How are you not a citizen of the country you were born in? That's just crazy to me.

So now we are back to square one as far as her status as a legal resident here goes... We are going to have to apply for a visa for her to be here (although we have yet to find any documentation about what to do if you are ALREADY in the UK and are required to have a visa). To find this out two weeks before we leave to return to the US for a visit is a little discouraging, especially since it's very possible that they won't let Liara back into the UK once she has left, until her visa status has changed. What this means to me is that we might have to stay in the US a little longer (to be honest, I wouldn't mind that!) but it also means that we'd have to pay for flights again (which we don't want to do since they are 700 pounds a piece! OUCH!). I really don't want to be separated from Nic either (as he'd have to come back for work, and I'd probably stay behind with Li until it was sorted). This all is just such a pain!

I'm so sick of how things work here, the hoops we have to hurdle through all the time. Nothing is simple or convenient, and I'm in a constant state of frustration. Our friends here ask me all the time why I don't refer to this country as my home now and think it is sad that I don't consider it one... but THIS... this sort of thing, is why. Why would I even think of considering a country my home when they don't accept my daughter?!

Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to be stuck in the US... I can tell you, I'd feel a lot more at home!

Goodbye Sexy Lexi...

So after much thought and discussion, we've decided to sell my Subaru and get a more family oriented car. We've been thinking about doing this since we found out we were going to expand our family, but just loved Lexi too much to really consider it. For those of you who know us, you'll easily understand why we've deliberated for so long... for those that don't- we're semi-obsessed with Subaru's and absolutely love both of our cars (Nic owns one as well, I bought him one for Christmas in 2008). While we'll still have his STI, I'm going to be sad to see Lexi go... she's been a great car for us. However, we've been cramped on the trips to Wales, have paid out the rear end for road tax (425 a year! OUCH!) and insurance, and petrol. Sure, we could drive more economically, but who wants to do that when you've got the power and that lovely burble in response? Anywho... we spent today car shopping for a replacement and finally found one that we both could agree on (since Nic still takes my car to work every day, he had a big say on what we'd be getting... or should I say WOULDN'T be getting. Lol).

We've pretty much decided on a 2007 Volkswagen Passat 2.0 TDI SE. It's a wagon which is really nice, since there is a ton of room in the boot/trunk area for all of Liara's gear... even after you get our large stroller in! In the trunk right now, it's a bit cramped once the Quinny is in there, but in the Passat there is room for loads of other baggage too. The backseat is super roomy too... I can actually stretch out my legs and there's really room for another person, not just another child. It's pretty good looking too. The one we found is silver and does have a large scratch mark on the front passenger door, but they will be repairing that before we drive it home, which is nice. Plus, that doesn't effect the warranty (which still has a year left!). Since it is a diesel, we'll get awesome gas mileage (40-60 mpg... hooray!) which will be a huge help, especially on long trips. We were looking at the size of the fuel tank as well and it turns out we could get to Wales and back on one tank! That's super nice.

On top of all the perks already stated... we're getting it for the same price as what we pay for the Subaru, but it will have cheaper insurance, cheaper road tax (ok.. I've already mentioned that), cheaper fuel costs (that too...) AND they're throwing in GAP insurance and a sealant for the paint and interior of the car (good for 3 years), as well as 2 years free servicing. Nice. PLUS, what is really exciting is that we aren't upside down in the Subaru! They are actually giving us 600 pounds more than what we owe on it. Woo Hoo!

I'm excited! I loved Sexy Lexi but I have a feeling I'm going to love this car too... now all I need is to sign the papers and come up with a name! :)

My Sweet Girl...

Poor Li has been teething for a few weeks now with the white gums, rosy cheeks, excess drool, mouthing everything, and diaper rash. The only thing she's been lacking is the inability to sleep well and the moodiness. However, those persistent teeth are starting to wear her down and she's had a bit of a rough day. Even though she's exhausted (especially since we went to a birthday party yesterday), she hasn't slept well and her teeth are hurting so she's been a little grumpy. I've tried to be as patient as I can with her and I think I'm doing a pretty good job, but man, am I tired. I've been spoiled by my sweet baby who has been sleeping through the night since she was like 8 weeks old. I feel so bad for her, I know she is trying her best to be her usual self, and that her mouth really does hurt. I hope these teeth (it's her two front teeth on bottom and an eye tooth and the right front tooth on top) hurry up and make their appearance soon so she can have a little break.

Other than that, she's the perfect angel. She's still wonderful, even when she's grumpy (her definition of grumpy is just wanting to be held a little more and being a little quicker to get frustrated). She's so good at sitting up now! She sits up perfectly straight and has great balance. She reaches for her toys, plays her little drum, and can even turn herself around without needing any sort of support. I am so proud of her! She's getting pretty good at trying to crawl as well. She'll get up on all fours and rock back and forth. Sometimes she'll actually pick up her knees and hands but she doesn't go forwards yet, only backwards.

Sorry if I'm not making a whole lot of sense or if it seems like I'm rambling, I'm knackered! I'm going to head to bed before she wakes up again... G'night!

Mommyhood

I think people are always looking for their purpose in life, for their reason for being. I always thought mine was to teach, to touch the lives of children through education, to help kids to understand new ideas and concepts and embrace history. Then I had Liara. While I don't think that the idea of Education is lost on me, I still long to teach other children eventually... I would much rather teach my own daughter all the little things that she has yet to discover about life.

It is so refreshing to look at the world in a whole new light... to see things from my daughter's perspective. I had forgotten so much about childhood. I had a great childhood, one filled with imaginary playmates, playdoh and laughter. I want the same for Li. I love that she trusts me enough to explore her little world with me right by her side. She's so inquisitive and I love that about her, she wants to know EVERYTHING. I'm going to do my best to show it to her. We talk about everything, or I guess, I talk about everything with her and she listens intently. I know she doesn't understand everything I say (and for that I'm a little grateful!), but I hope that she'll pick out key words and phrases that are used often (like "I love you", and "you mean everything to me", and "you're so beautiful") and that they will become the staple of her opinion of herself. She's so perfect and she's everything I ever wanted plus a million things I never would have thought to ask for. I hope that someday she'll realize that she has changed my life forever and made me question if I was ever really living before she came along. I know she'll know that I love her with every fiber of my being, I'll make sure of that.

One thing that I wasn't prepared for in mommyhood was the fear of death. I used to be fine with the idea that I could go at any time. I used to say I was ready, but oh, I'm not. I'm terrified of the idea of leaving her before she'll remember me. I don't know if that's just a common fear among parents, or if it is due to my own father's untimely death. Perhaps it's a bit of both. Either way, I'm completely terrified. I have nightmares where I die and am doing everything I can to comfort her, to show her I'm still around. I wake up in a panic and most the time, in tears. Nic looks at me like I'm crazy, like I have no reason to have such fears... but how can you not be afraid of losing the one thing you've waited your whole life for?! I'm also really afraid that she's going to die and I can't help but think that I don't know if I could live without her. I think it is completely possible to die of a broken heart and that I would do so in an instant. I need to stop talking about such morbid things... this isn't where I intended to go in this post.

I love discovering new traits that she's picked up from Nic or myself... it's amazing to see bits of yourself in someone else. I love the fact that she sleeps like I do, in the same positions. I (for now) love that she zones out when her favorite songs or tv shows come on (she only watches Handy Manny and The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, but she properly watches them when they're on) like Nic does. I love how she has to investigate anything new (especially if it's mechanical) and makes the same concentration face that Nic does. I love that she has my smile, except for when she smirks, then she's all Nic. I love that she's a Momma's girl (like I was) and that she has my temperament.

I am going to get off here, I don't want to miss anything. This girl is growing faster than I ever imagined she would and she's doing something new every time you blink. I've really enjoyed staying home with her, it has meant the world to me. I'm so thankful to have Nic around, he's been absolutely wonderful for letting me be with her at home!

Can you tell I love my little girl?!

Homesick

I'm not sure if it is because I now have a daughter or if it is just that enough time has passed to make me homesick, but man... I just want to go home. I want Liara to experience all that the US has to offer. I want her to be close to family on holidays so we can all get together and celebrate as a huge family. I want it to be easier for me to go back to work, simply because I can find something there that I can do with her (it's really difficult to take care of other children here... there's a lot of hoops you have to jump through). I want to have the convenience of the US back.

I've been irritated lately by all sorts of things here that wouldn't happen at home. For example- we moved into another house in February and filled up the kerosene tank (for heating the radiators since the houses here don't have central heating). Since the middle of February, we've now gone through 1,000 liters of fuel. 1,000 liters. Now, our house is little. This shouldn't be happening. The last time we filled up, it only lasted 37 days (so it's using a liter and a half of fuel PER HOUR, as we only kept it on 8 hours a day and put in 500 liters). This is absurd, especially considering the cost of kerosene lately (this fill up of 500 liters cost us 250 pounds!). Yes, I know that air conditioning/heating is high in Houston too... but even in the dead of summer we never spent 250 a month and our house was about 3 times the size of this one. Ugh.

I also want Liara to be able to be around the family... my sister and Nic's sister (and their families) have yet to meet our little girl and it's killing me. While the parents have all made it over now, our siblings still don't know how absolutely wonderful she is. Well, they hear me talk about her all the time, but it's not the same. I miss our friends in the US too... it sucks that we never get to see them.

I think the trip home in August (WE GET TO GO HOME!!!) has me even more homesick, simply because it isn't time yet. We're going to get to spend like 6 days in Houston and 7 days in Olympia. I can't wait! I've been dreaming and planning for like the last 2 months for this trip. I'm ready for it to be August already. I'm not looking forward to the trip home though, I'm sure that'll be loads of fun with Li (she'll be 6 1/2 months and I doubt she'll want to sit in my lap for 14 hours).

Anyway... enough of me moping about. We'll move back eventually, just not soon enough.

I'm off to do the dishes, put the laundry away and then hit the sack. Liara went to bed early tonight so she'll probably wake up a little early too. Just a guess ;) G'night!