Raincheck...

I DO have a post for you guys about my sweet 18 month old and all of her accomplishments. I even have a word list going of all the things she can say (it's quite long and I know I'm still missing tons!). I also have an update on baby dos, since we had an ultrasound yesterday.

However... my house is a mess and Liara is a busy girl making it even more of a disaster zone. For some reason she's quite clumsy today as well (perhaps because she's tripping over some of her toys every two seconds because I haven't had a second to pick them all up...) so I'm trying to watch her like a hawk.

I WILL get to it, I promise... just maybe not until bedtime. :) I haven't forgotten though, and I can't wait to share just how proud I am of my children (yep... both of them!).

Things that make me smile :)

Yep, you get two posts today... one not so happy, and then this one! To be honest, I prefer the smiling faces of my sweet girl and amazing husband. This is the way life should be, always.

Here's Nic and my adorable kitty cat, Liara. Yes, the lady did a pretty awful job and Liara cried while she painted it on (and while she tried to rub it off completely)... but we got a few smiles in the middle.
Here's Liara and I going down a massive slide at one of the nearby parks.
My girl L.O.V.E.S. to swing. She's just like I was as a kid (who am I kidding... I'm still a massive swing lover). I love how happy she is as soon as she's in one :)
This next picture was taken at a friend's wedding... and it makes my heart burst every time I see it. How in the world can anyone love someone more than I love these two people? Oh, they make me happy.
And, lastly... my sweet smiling girl. Overwhelming, I tell you. Love, love, love.

Conflicted

I know it's been a while since I've last posted... it isn't because there isn't anything going on or that there is an especially large amount to write about either. We've just been living life as it comes and trying to prepare ourselves for the massive change ahead. I'll be 18 weeks along in this pregnancy on Monday (it's late Saturday night) and our precious little girl is going to be 18 months on the 23rd. I can't even begin to tell you how overjoyed/sad that makes me. I don't know how I should be feeling really. My baby girl is growing up so very fast. On one hand I am unbelievably proud and happy with her, on the other, I wonder about the baby in my belly, and if I'll feel this way about them as well. I know I'll love them unconditionally and that I'll be proud of him/her in the same way... but will I have the time to really appreciate all that I do now? Or will I be so frantic trying to keep up with the both of them that their childhoods simply pass me by? I feel like if I blink for too long that I'll miss something with Liara... something I would have liked to have seen and treasured. So far, I've caught every momentous occasion (first step, first word, first hug, first kiss, first time to stack blocks into a tower, first pretty much everything). Will I be so blessed with our second child? Who knew that you could be so completely happy and yet so fearful at the same time?

I've been watching Mildred Pierce on TV (although I'm not sure exactly why... I end up feeling a little depressed after every part, I only have two left and I'm pretty glad about it). In the second episode/part (spoiler if you haven't seen it...) her youngest daughter dies and she deals with it by crawling into bed with her oldest. A friend of mine was recently discussing what she would do if she lost one of her children and how she'd be grateful that she at least still had one and could still be considered a Mom. Both of these instances (Mildred climbing into bed and my friends' discussion) have left me a little heartbroken. I am pretty certain that if I lost either child, I'd fall apart. Yes, I'd try to hold myself together so that I could still be there to support the other child... but I'm not sure how successful I'd be. I certainly wouldn't feel like one was enough of a replacement for another. I can't even begin to explain the love I have for Liara and I don't think anyone could ever take her place or fill a void should she somehow be gone (God forbid, I'd lose it). Yet, at the same time... I would never ever consider this second child to be a "back up" either and I can't even imagine losing him/her, despite not ever really meeting them yet.

I'm not sure where all the morbid thoughts are coming from, but they scare me. Maybe because I'm a little scared about having two children. Not the actual act of raising them or labor even, but the part about where you are supposed to treat them equally. I've always felt that my sister was my mother's favorite. It bothered me a little as a kid, but I felt like my sister needed that love a little more than I did, so it was ok. I played more of a supporting role in the family (in more ways than one) and to be honest, it's helped me turn out into who I am today. I'm perfectly fine with that. However... I don't want my children to feel that way. I want them to both feel like they are the center of my universe and that I just absolutely adore them (as I hope Liara feels now). I'm just not sure how to go about doing that. I guess it will probably just happen naturally when the time comes. Or, at least, that's what I'm hoping.

I tend to get very introspective when Nic is away... he's on a business trip at the moment so I guess you get to hear my ramblings instead of him (perhaps that's why I don't blog often, because he's my sounding board). Poor you. Haha. I'm a little jealous of him this time. He's flying to Houston for a meeting on Monday, then flying back on Tuesday afternoon. We have already booked our flights for our family vacation in August (we'll be in Houston for about 3 weeks!) and I'm super excited about it. I can't wait to be back on American soil. I'm jealous that he gets to go now, even if it is a stressful time for him professionally (he's trying to win an important contract) and it is a super short turn around time. I am just so unbelievably homesick. I feel like we are stuck over here. When we moved over here I thought it was going to be this grand adventure, and that we would travel all of Europe and do exciting things... and then after that, we'd go back home. I figured we'd be here for about two years, just long enough.

We'll have lived here four years in October, and yet we've only seen the UK. Well, Nic has been to Paris and Norway and a few other places on business... but I didn't get to tag along for various reasons. And four is definitely more than two. I didn't picture us having two kids while living across the ocean from all our family and close friends. I didn't know just how much I loved my own country (I did, but didn't fully appreciate it). I didn't know just how much of an outsider I would feel like over here. Yes, we have friends over here, and they are wonderful. However, I can't help but feel like I'm missing out at home. I can't help but feel like we've put our lives on hold a little while we are over here. I can't help but want, no scratch that, NEED to go home. I will have to deal with just looking forward to our visit in August and then the baby coming in December. After that, it will be Liara's 2nd birthday, and then I'll have to come up with something else to look forward to, I'm sure I'll think of something.

Anyway, I'm off to bed to start a new book (I might actually have time to read since there aren't as many people to cook/clean for or clothes to iron, etc.). Hopefully Nic will call to say he's arrived safely and then I'll get a good nights sleep alone in my big ol' bed. I think one of Liara's books has a recording of someone snoring... maybe I'll have to pull that out just so I can trick myself into thinking Nic is there. Pathetic I know. Goodnight!

Week 11... AGAIN!

Well, we went for our first ultrasound with baby number 2 today (aka Baby Dos) and everything went wonderfully. The baby was super active and waving/kicking everywhere, making good use of the space while they have it! :) Liara slept through her first scan, so it was nice to see a very active teeny tiny baby in there. We got to see the heartbeat as well, although she had the sound off so we didn't get to actually hear it, which is a bummer. Maybe that's why I didn't cry this time and was all smiles... who knows. Perhaps it was that there was only one baby in there (I've been having dreams non stop that there were twins... whew!). Regardless, we were supposed to get our down's screening today as well, but it turns out that we're only 11 weeks along (as opposed to 12), so it's still to early. That means that we'll be getting three ultrasounds this time instead of two, so that's exciting. We'll get our next one in two weeks :)

Liara has been a stinker today, throwing fits left and right. It's to the point where I've asked her where my good girl is and she responds with "good girl gone". :( NOOOO!!!! I love my good girl and am looking forward to her return. Perhaps it's the lack of nap, we'll try that.

Nic took the scan pictures with him to work to scan in for me since our printer/scanner is being a loser. I'll post the pictures from this afternoon when I get them :)

Always Trust Your Gut!

So I had my second midwife appointment on Tuesday and all was well, or at least until the end when she asked me if I'd phoned in to get my results for my urinalysis from the previous week (um, no... you always give me the results so why would I call?). She said the tech had seen some bacteria in my urine suggesting that I had an urinary tract infection and that I was prescribed amoxicillin. I said ok, kind of shocked, and went on my way. Once I actually was at the pharmacy filling the prescription, it dawned on me that I can't take it... Liara is allergic to penicillin and amoxicillin IS passed on through breast milk. I phoned the doctor's office back that afternoon while Li was taking her nap and spoke to one of the doctors on duty. To be honest... I was really disappointed in the care for the first time since living here. The doctor (we'll call her Dr.W) said that I'd have to take it anyway and suggested that I just stop breastfeeding for the week I had to take it. Um, wrong answer. I hung up and mulled it over for a while. I kept thinking that there has to be some other option. I decided I'd use the tube intended for collecting an urine sample for my next midwife appointment to give them another urine sample to test. I peed in my little cup and dropped it off that afternoon. In the meantime, I began pumping so that I would have some breast milk to give her while I took it if that's what I had to do. I was getting frustrated because my supply is JUST what Liara needs and I was only getting about two ounces after each feed since she was getting her full first. :/ So today, after two days of fretting and thinking... it dawned on me. What do pregnant women who are allergic to amoxicillin take? Why can't I have that? I called the doctors' office again and didn't get an answer, so I phoned the midwife center and spoke to a REALLY helpful midwife. She looked at my file, said it was strange, and asked me if I had any other symptoms. Foul smelling pee? Nope. Pain during urination? Nope. Cloudy urine? Nope. Blood? Nope. Hmm... she said it'd be best to give another sample to double check, but if there was an infection that there were TWO other drugs they could give me instead that would be ok. Booya. I told her about dropping off the urine sample on Tuesday afternoon on a whim and she said she'd see that they rushed it and to call back this afternoon. So, I called. Completely clean.

What a pain in the ass for nothing! I'm so glad I trusted my gut, but at least now I know that if I DID have an urine infection there WOULD be something I could take that wouldn't cause Liara to have a reaction. Shame on Dr.W for just giving the "easy" answer to quit breastfeeding. I hate it when doctors do that. You obviously aren't doing your job and you don't have our best interests in mind. Maybe you should find another profession. :P

Woah Baby...

Ok, I know I was showing fairly soon last time (as in 12 weeks...), but I'm already busting out the rubber band tricks to get the last little bit of wear out of my jeans before I have to pack them away for a while. What's that you say? 'But you're only 10 weeks?' Yeah... tell me about it. Come on body! I was really enjoying those size 6's thank you very much. I guess my challenge now is to see if I can fit in my size 8 dress that I have been planning on wearing to a friends wedding on the 1st of June. Please, oh please don't make me buy a new dress... I'd rather spend the money on other things.

My mother-in-law has just bought me a bunch (as in 3 pairs of pants, 2 sweaters, two dresses, and a shawl thing... sweet!) of new maternity clothes since I sent all of mine to my sister in law (who is also expecting... she's a month ahead of me with her first! YAY) before we found out we were having baby number 2. I'm excited for that... to be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to wearing the same stuff over again.

I've been super emotional today... I'll chalk that up to baby hormones. I cried watching American Idol (why in the world did James have to go?!), even though I already knew what was going to happen. I cried during a commercial for some beer (I didn't catch the name) just because the guy was being nice to his girlfriend. I've cried today because a friend's child made a sweet comment about her and her husband being in love. What haven't I cried about today?! Ugh.

I know i'm a bit random today, but my head is all over the place right now and to be honest... if I don't write in stream of consciousness this time, I won't write an entry at all so I figured it was better than nothing, right? Welcome to my life at the moment- a bit obscure and hard to understand.

I've been so freaking thirsty lately (maybe it's to make up for the water loss in tears!). I'm seriously on my 6th bottle of water today. I've also been craving KFC, but when we went today it just wasn't what I was hoping for. Probably because I was craving AMERICAN KFC, not Scottish KFC, but I guess it was close enough. At least it's not Taco Bell like with Liara... they don't have a Scottish version of that over here. To be honest, I'm looking forward to Nic taking his GRE on the 25th so we will be in Edinburgh and I know there's a Quizno's there. How sad is that?! I'm also looking forward to our trip to Houston in August so that Nic and I can have a date night and go to this little Mom & Pop Italian place that we used to frequent before movies. They have a buffet and OH, is it good. I have food on the brain... what can I say.

I've been worried a little about this baby's birthday. Not because I'm scared of labor... I'm actually looking forward to doing it again and hoping I can have another natural child birth experience. What I'm worried about is Liara. I want to make the transition from being an only child to being a big sister as easy as possible. I worry about who's going to watch her and how long they'll make me stay in the hospital away from her (last time it was 24 hours since there was meconium in my water), so I'm hoping this baby won't be in distress at all and will wait to poop until he's out so that we can go home in three hours. I'd much rather be at home with my girl and baby than stuck in the hospital like last time. She's never been away from Nic and I for more than 3 hours (and that was only 1 time... and she had two baby sitters- one was her godfather and one was a family friend). I guess we'll have to see if we can work on that some before this one comes so she is prepared for some time away from Mommy and Daddy while I'm in labor. My midwife was trying to push a home labor on me this time, and I'd totally go for it if I thought Nic would be comfortable with it (He's totally 100% not). I want everyone be comfortable and relaxed... it makes a huge difference.

Anyway, I'm going to go spend some time with my sweet husband. 'Night!

Round Two!

So I'm a bad blogger... I think we're all used to this by now and have just come to accept the fact that I don't update enough. Meh.

I have news this time though! We're having another baby (as long as God still thinks it's a good idea). I'm a little over 8 weeks and due on December 5th. I have my next midwife appointment on the 10th of May and we'll start this whole process over again! Crazy!

We're excited about it, and I swear, if one more person asks me if it was an "accident" I'm going to scream. No, we weren't necessarily "trying" like we were last time, but we obviously weren't trying very hard to prevent a pregnancy either. God thought it was time, and that's no accident.

Nic is of course hoping it's a boy, but I'm indifferent this time as well... I'll be happy as long as he/she is happy and healthy. At this point I'm still focusing on Liara and trying to figure out how to get her used to the idea of having a little brother or sister around. I know she'll love being a big sister, I've never met a kid more compassionate or who loves kids as much as she does. It will be so nice to have a built in playmate and friend for her, I'm really looking forward to that! I know it's going to be a little crazy with a two year old and a newborn, but I know we'll make it work!

Anyway, I thought I'd fill you all in... if you're still reading anyway! :)

Oh my Goodness!

Has it really been like 2 1/2 months since I last posted?! Where has the time gone? Perhaps it flew by like the rest of the 13 months since Liara was born. 13 months... yeah, I know. Shocking. Anyway, it has been C R A Z Y around here and with Liara up and running (literally) for the last two months, I don't have a lot of time to sit still and blog. Again, as usual, I apologize. We'll leave it at that and move on.

Let's see... I'll give you a little update about what's happening with each of us.

Liara:

She's growing like a weed and exceeds our expectations every day. She can say Mama, Dada, Grandma, Hi (sometimes Hiya), Wow, Woah, Up, Bite, Baby, Tickle, and Book. I think that's all, but who knows, I might be missing something. She can walk like a big girl and run like a little kid (arms out like an airplane)! She loves to play with her toys, cuddle with Mommy (and Daddy too), blow raspberries, be read to (and join in too... she points at pictures and tries to say the word and flips flaps/turns pages), do puzzles, and empty and refill the movie drawers. She likes to go outside when it's not too cold and enjoys taking her coat off and on. She tries to climb on the table beside the couches and take everything off that, but that's not usually allowed. She loves to empty the cabinets in the kitchen and help with laundry (she takes the wet clothes out of the washing machine, puts them in the bag, puts a new load in, closes the soap drawer and then pushes the start button for me). Her favorite foods right now are blueberries, bananas, pasta and malt-o-meal. If asked, she can show you where her foot, ear, or bellybutton (beebo) is. She loves her stuffed animals (and dolly's) and gives them hugs and kisses. She is obsessed with shoes and MUST have some on at all times (whether it be shoes during the day or her bunny slippers on at night). We had to remove the front railings for her crib like 2 months ago because she was trying to climb out (even taking her socks off for extra traction... clever girl!) and we didn't want her to fall, so now she's sleeping in her toddler bed and LOVES it. It takes no time at all to get her to bed now, so that's a major bonus. She has 10, almost 12 teeth (front bottom four, front top four, two top molars (one on each side), and two bottom molars that are workin' their way out). She's had a hard time sleeping lately because of those two bottom molars, but the last two nights she's slept through the WHOLE night without waking up- from 8:30 until 7:30. I think that's about her in a nutshell right now.

Nick:

He's been working like a crazy man. He is absolutely swamped at work and has been a little stressed to say the least. He tries to come home for lunch, but doesn't always make it and usually only spends about 15 minutes instead of the hour he's supposed to get. Then he comes home at around 7, and eats dinner and tries to relax a little before the next day. They're supposed to get him some help soon, I hope they do! He could sure use it. When we came back from the US (I'll recap that trip sometime...) he tried to play a game he got as an early birthday present and his Xbox got the red ring of death. Anyway, after about a month of fiddling with it, he got it to work again! WOO HOO! He's super happy with that and has been playing every night while I'm working (after Liara's in bed)... more on that in my section.

Jen:

I've been busy watching/playing/teaching Liara and trying to keep this house in some sort of order. Between Liara and her master mess making skills and everyone else in this house (myself included) it gets messy fast! I was debating going back to work (in an outside location... believe me, I work!) to help Nick with the financial side of things since we're broke as sin, but after figuring out how much childcare costs and stuff it would have been pointless... I wouldn't make anything. So, I've started working with Cris (mother-in-law) again and I'm really excited about it! It feels really good to be productive and actually do something related to education again. It involves testing and has really got me thinking about what I want to do. Last night, Nic and I had a long chat about me getting my masters (something I've ALWAYS wanted to do...). I'm going to have to go back to school anyway to finish off my certification (I graduated with my bachelors in Curriculum & Instruction- emphasis on Early Childhood-4th grade education, and passed all my state tests to become certified, but still need one more semester of student teaching since we moved and I never did that)... I might as well get my masters while I'm at it right?! I've really enjoyed my experiences in testing and thought that it would be great to be able to do what Cris does (she writes tests, trains educators and creates educational materials, among other things... she's a very talented woman!) and follow along in her business. To do that, I'd need some more education and credibility, so maybe that's the road I should take! I'll talk it over with her and see what she thinks about it. :) That's about it for me... other than I'm down to 124 lbs! Woot woot! I haven't weighed that since I quit swimming, my sophomore year in high school!

Ok... I need to get off here before Liara pulls the cord out of the wall socket and uses it as a lasso for her rocking chair. I think it's going to take me longer to clean up the mess she's made while I've been typing than it actually has to post this! She's like a little tornado I swear! :) Oh, I love her!

I'll try and be a better blogger...

Call me crazy...

I have a knack for making extra work for myself. There's often a super easy way of doing things but instead I spend hours figuring out a way to make it more complex before I attempt to do it. Liara's birthday party is no exception.

I've decided that I want to have a birthday party for her in the US so that at least SOME family can come and some of her US friends too... they miss out on all the fun over here. I'm really looking forward to it now that I've committed myself into doing it, but my goodness who knew there could be so much planning involved. When are we going to have it? Where? Who is going to come? What should the theme be (picture Nic rolling his eyes here, he hates themed parties)? What should we do for her first party? Oh, there's so much to decide!

Well, I think I've figured most of it out (key word most, not all). I think we'll have it on the 2nd of January (that's a Sunday) mid morning sometime. I haven't picked a time yet, as I haven't made invitations. I think we'll have it at my Mother-in-law's house, just for simplicity (I've yet to actually ask her, but knowing her I'm sure it'll be fine lol). I'm planning on inviting about 5-8 of her little friends and quite a few family members (adults mostly). I'm thinking about having a star theme (I know... boring). However, I'd like to have a box of "wishes" for Liara that the family can make for her at the party and that works (wishing on a star... blah blah blah). That way, she has something to look back on later that means something. I'm sure we'll play some games (I'm a sucker for cheesy party games, so sue me). I was thinking baby bingo (I'll make cards with pictures of Liara over the year instead of numbers... we did the same thing at our engagement party except with pictures of Nic and I). We may even do baby bowling (baby bottle bowling pins...). Who knows what we'll actually do, but I want it to be fun for the kiddos too, some of her friends are already 2! Time flies.

What I've been focusing on however, is the cake. Go figure, me... thinking of food! And here's where I'm crazy- I am going to make it myself. I'm going to make it vegan, in case there are any allergies present (I know a couple of the kids are allergic to dairy for the time being), from the buttercream to the fondant to the cake itself. Yeah. Scary- I've never done that before! Want to know what else is scary? The idea for the cake I want to make:

Ok... it will be a little different color wise, but very similar. Hopefully... that is if I don't fail miserably. We'll see.

She'll have her own smash cake too, I'll sort something out for that. Fun! I can't wait for the party, I've just got to figure out a few more things first! I need to start planning faster though, I need to get those invitations out!

Snowsick

I'm so sick of snow I could scream. I love snow, don't get me wrong, but when it snows NON STOP for two weeks, it gets a little cold, er, I mean old. It makes it hard to go outside to the dryer to get the laundry done (yes, I have to physically leave my house, walk down the walkway and into the little storage room to get to the dryer... talk about inconvenience. But hey, at least we have one I guess). It makes it even harder to take the trash out. Not to mention the fact that Nic gets stuck in the snow every morning on his way to work and doesn't even bother trying to come home for lunch. Well, that is, until today.

The one day in the past two weeks that Nic has tried to come home for lunch time (yay!), it had snowed so much since this morning that his tracks were completely covered and he couldn't get into the driveway (we have a LONG driveway, as we live on a farm). He tried to turn into the freakin thing and kept going straight... I don't think you're supposed to do that. So he just turned around at a bigger road and headed back to work hungry. Poor thing. It makes for such a long day in this house. While we're normally fine staying home all day because of the visit from the mail man, and Daddy coming home for lunch... the snow has made both Liara and I a little cabin crazy. We're on our own all day (even the mailman won't attempt to come to our house in this weather, we haven't had mail in a week and a half) and that's an awful long time for no other human interaction besides the "what shall we do today" people on the Disney Channel.

We're supposed to leave in 10 days for our holiday vacation to the US and I cannot wait! I think Liara is just as excited... every day when we look at the pictures on the wall (Grandma, Grandpa, Mamo, Papa, Aunt Raime, Uncle Joey, Cousins Raisa, Taylor and Dax, Tia Karin and Tio Jonathan) she squeals a little and then kicks me like I'm a horse so I'll move on to the next one.

I'm a wee bit grumpy and I apologize for that. Perhaps it's because I can't manage to keep this little house clean since I have a champion mess maker following me around everywhere. I swear, as soon as I put my clothes in my drawers and turn around to put Nic's away, she's pulled all mine back out again. Or perhaps it's because after I finish sweeping and mopping the kitchen floor she decides that she'd prefer to pour her drink on the floor and smear the pieces of cheese and grapes around as well. What am I doing you ask? Oh, just trying to do the mountain of dishes with no hot water from the tap (I have to boil it in the kettle first instead since it takes an hour to warm up the water and even then it isn't hot enough).

I love love love having my daughter around all the time, and I am super thankful for every single second that I get with her. Hell, I end up laughing most of the time (on the inside...) when I see that she's destroyed my newly folded pile of clothes or decided that she needs to pull out every single wipe from her wipes container. She's just curious about her world and is trying to figure things out, and I'm all about letting her experiment and discover things. I just wish she'd learn to clean things back up as fast as she makes messes. I pick up the living room about 40 times on average per day... no joke (that's roughly every 15 minutes except for during nap times) just so it's not a complete disaster zone. My guess is that is probably the reason for the weight loss... constant activity.

My favorite part of her mess making is when she pauses whatever she's doing because she's heard a noise (either from one of her toys, or the tv, or the radio or even me singing) and then she just busts out dancing. She loves to dance, and I love to watch her (and dance along most of the time). She reminds me of myself at her age, and I adore that. She can't help but move around and dance if there's music playing.

Ok, I'm off to ignore the mess that has taken my living room captive to enjoy a nice little nap with my baby. Who knows, maybe there'll be a heat wave and all the snow will be gone by the time we wake up (who am I kidding... not even Texas heat could get rid of three feet in like an hour and a half). We'll have to try and shovel a bit when we wake up... wish me luck.