Meh...

I have a lot to do this week but am seriously lacking the motivation to do any of it.

Here's my to do list so far:

1. Clean the house! - We are going to be in Wales for a while and would hate for the house to be dirty when we get back... that and the landlord has a habit of doing inspections when we are on holiday. I need to do a quick clean of the kitchen (I did most of it this weekend), thoroughly clean the living room/dining room, pick up the study, vacuum the carpets all over, put the clean clothes away in our bedroom, and clean the bathrooms (I did the toilets this weekend, but the rest still need done). Whew.

2. Mow the yard. This would be easier if it wasn't raining this week. I've been ready to do this a few times and then couldn't because it was too wet.

3. Pack for the trip- I need to get Nic and I packed for however long we'll be there. We need both cold and warm clothes, swimming gear (which I have NONE for me that fits now), our dry suits, all of the Deeptrek gear that we have at the house, and all my preggo stuff (like prenatals, pillows, blanket making stuff, etc).

4. Finish up doing the laundry- This won't be hard... I have one load to go and then I'm caught up completely, including the sheets and blankets in the house.

5. Get insurance for the cars and the hilux... this is proving to be really difficult actually for some reason. I've been working on this all week and have got nowhere. It's really frustrating.

6. Finish fixing the Hilux and RIB- The parts for the RIB still haven't come in yet, so that we are just waiting on... but it needs to be done before Thursday. The Hilux is currently in the shop getting repaired, but we'll see if it gets done in time.

7. Go to dinner/movie with Nic, Bob, Jacqui, Mike, Jenny, Stavros and Fiona- this doesn't really need any preparation, it just takes one night of time (Tuesday).

I'm sure there is other stuff I'm forgetting, but that's all I can think of at the moment. Let's see... it's 2:30 on Monday and we leave (hopefully) at like lunchtime on Thursday (after the ultrasound!). So I have a little less than 3 days to get it all done.

Here's hoping I find the motivation needed to get my booty in gear.

I figured I'd throw in a picture as well for those of you who aren't on Facebook so you can see the bump (although Papa thinks I'm past the "bump" phase and onto the "mound" since I'm big... lol).

The Halfway Point

Yay! I'm halfway there... I'm 20 weeks pregnant today and I'm so happy.

I had this whole blog planned out last night while I was up rocking myself trying to get my back to stop hurting, but I've forgotten most of what I was going to say. Chalk up another one to pregnancy brain. I was laughing at myself the other day because I had gone to visit people at work and couldn't for the life of me remember what I did with my phone. I was going to call Nic to tell him I was on my way over there (I drove the car to the park and ride, then rode the bus in) and knew that I had the phone in my hand right before I left the house. I figured I had left it in the car and didn't worry about it too much. Then, after my visit and lunch I headed back home so that I could go to the grocery store... and found out that my phone was not in the car. So I drove home and tried to retrace my steps. I found my phone (yes... my mobile) on the phone charger for the house phone. The house phone was right beside it... waiting patiently for it's turn. Why I put it there, I don't know. This isn't the first stupid thing I've done (I've put my keys in the fridge, washed NUMEROUS loads of laundry without remembering to put the soap in, tried to cook things without turning the oven on, called people then forgetting why I called... etc). Hopefully my mind will come back eventually.

I was just reminded of one of the things I was going to talk about... the lovely back pain associated with pregnancy. Oh my gosh. I've hurt my back before, back in high school. I had to go get massages/see a chiropractor/got horrible migraines/had a physical therapist that worked with me etc... and all I can say is that pain was nothing compared to this. It's almost as if my bones and muscles have decided they don't want to be friends anymore and now refuse to work together. For the last week and a half now, I've been averaging all of 2 hours of sleep per night. Yes... TWO. It's annoying to no end. What's crazy is that I'm less upset about the lack of sleep as I am about the freaking annoying backache that just won't quit. It doesn't matter what I'm doing... I can be sitting, standing, stretching, laying down... it doesn't matter. It's there. Sometimes I can ignore it and it's ok. Then other times it's so bad that I'm nauseous and want to cry. Nick has been laughing at me a little bit because when it starts to hurt I begin to rock myself from side to side or in a circular motion because sometimes that keeps it at the annoying stage. Probably 85% of my day is spent this way... rocking. I don't even realize that I'm doing it anymore and will look over at him and he'll be doing it too so I notice. I talked to my mom about it... apparently she had the same problem because as soon as I said my back was hurting she instantly started in with the "oh, honey... I'm so sorry. I know what you mean" talk. She recommended getting one of the pregnancy back support things so I've ordered it and am not so patiently waiting its delivery. I'm praying it will get here before we leave for Wales on Thursday.

Our 20 week ultrasound is on Thursday and I'm so excited! I can't wait to see the baby again... it's something that I'm really looking forward to. Since we've decided not to find out the sex, this will be our last ultrasound so I'm hoping the lady is a little slower this time and we get a really good look. I'm also hoping that our baby measures up ok and that everything is fine in there. The doppler that we bought really has helped me to relax quite a bit because I can check at home (even though I don't really need to anymore since the baby kicks to let me know that it's alive in there). I just can't wait to see it's little face again and watch it moving around in there. I thought I might second guess myself about finding out the sex but I'm not at all. I really am excited about waiting now.

I don't remember what else I was going to write about... but if I remember I'll come back and post it.

U.S. Healthcare Reform

Normally I stick to writing about things that are happening in my day to day life and leave politics and religion and everything else out of my blog. However... I'm SO irritated with my home country and their refusal to change (when only months ago they were shouting for it!) that I'm going to rant a little bit.

I've seen numerous posts on facebook and news channel websites, watched videos from CNN and political sites, and listened to people explain why government run healthcare will be the downfall of the U.S. and how that makes Obama a Socialist. Blah Blah Blah. Is anyone actually listening to what they are saying? Are Americans doing research on the statistics for the uninsured/high risk individuals that are still (gasp!) American... and therefore just as deserving of proper medical attention as anyone else that can actually afford the high cost of health care in the U.S.?! If you, for even one second, are serious in your allegations that the change will have a negative affect on the U.S., I DARE you to go and sit in an Emergency Room for an hour. Just go sit in there and look around. You'll see families that are worried sick, not just because someone they love is injured, but because they know the bills for the visit will eat a large amount of their annual salary and they probably aren't able to afford the necessary visit. Take for example when Nick was sick a few years ago. It was a Friday night and our doctor's office wasn't going to be open until Tuesday because the Monday was a public holiday. We did not have insurance (we were both full time students and all our income from our jobs went toward our bills and my tuition). His fever was so high that he was beginning to get emotional (which is VERY rare for him) and was talking crazy talk. He was losing it. So we tried treating him at home with over the counter meds and cold baths to get his fever down. That didn't work. So we hesitantly went to the ER. Two hours later, he was feeling better and his fever was under control... and our pockets were SEVERELY drained. I'm talking $4,237 drained. Did we have that kind of money? Hell no.

I did a lot of volunteer work for the then Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation (now Susan G. Komen for the Cure) when I lived in the States. I have seen with my own eyes women who cannot afford health insurance and couldn't afford to go to the ER or a clinic but had Breast Cancer in the late stages. I have seen a woman with tumors so bad that her breasts looked like they were actually falling off. It's the most graphic thing I've ever seen and it kills me to know that no one was willing to do anything about it. It kills me to know that if the U.S. had a system like the one here, in Scotland, she would have been seen and treated without hesitation. Or what about the kids that don't get taken to the doctor as often as they should because their parents don't make enough to pay for insurance for them? I don't want to hear about the CHIPs program or the other little programs that the US is currently offering to help sort this problem out. They are lame attempts to cover up a system that is failing miserably.

I then think about my Mom and Dad... both had cancer. My mom has insurance... always has. They pay a ton for their insurance each year and their premiums on top of that. When she was undergoing treatment for her breast cancer, she reached a "cap" for what her insurance would cover. What?! Isn't that what you pay for insurance for? So that when you need it... it will pay for your treatments? The rest of her treatments and medications had to be paid out of pocket. She's not awake yet or I would call her and confirm the ungodly amount that she had to pay (and I believe is still paying 5 years later...) out of pocket. Dad was the same... but he didn't live through his treatments and so the life insurance that he had went to paying off the hospital bills- not to his kids or widow. It's a good thing he had life insurance though, or I'd be the one paying still. Talk about kicking someone when they are down. If you are sick, they charge you exorbitant amounts of money for treatments that you cannot live without.

Ok... so let's talk about this "Crazy" or "Socialist" healthcare system that seems so wrong to so many people who simply don't get it. I've experienced both systems... and I have to say that I definitely prefer the National Healthcare System that they have here in Scotland to the private system that we have at home. I can tell you honestly, that 7.5% of my income here went to National Insurance. Nick, who is in a much higher tax bracket than I am pays 9.5%. That's it. I don't have to pay anything for private insurance (but can if I would like to...), I don't have to pay any premiums, when I go to the doctor or my midwife I walk straight out without paying a penny afterwards. My prescriptions are ALL only 5 pounds. Actually... now that I am pregnant they are free (and will be for all of this year and next year). Regardless of what it is that I take, it's 5 pounds. I told this to my Grandmother and she nearly had a heart attack. She pays HUNDREDS on top of what medicare pays for her monthly prescriptions. There have been months for her where it determines what they have for dinner... because it's either pay for their pills that day or have a steak. My grandparents have worked HARD all their lives, and this is how we repay them? My grandfather served his country in war bravely... and this is how we repay him? By letting him struggle to pay for his medications? It's ridiculous and it pains me to no end to see that. I am fine with paying a percentage of my income so that everyone here can see the doctor and not worry about whether or not they can afford it. I think it's my duty to take care of those around me... that may be because I'm Christian, but I would like to think that it's because I'm a decent human being that deserves the same treatment as everyone else (whether they are rich/poor/old/young or whatever!). Who are we to deny people the right to medical attention because they cannot afford it?! Come on people... it's time to get over ourselves and realize that it won't be long until no one can afford or even qualify for insurance anymore. Once you can't afford to go to the doctor, you'll see how important health care is and what you are willing to pay to make sure everyone gets an equal shot at it.

I read a lot of blogs and news sites (I don't like to watch the news... I'd rather read it) and I think what got me going today was one of the blogs I read (Jon's Blog) was responded to by the White House. I think it's great that the government is finally listening to their constituents and are actually providing information for the public- even if it's not in their favor. There are two links that are provided by the white house in that post that are pretty interesting. Please also read this: Ebert Ropert Blog ESPECIALLY if you are a conservative (I'm kind of in the middle to be honest...).

I am thankful that we live here right now. One, because it's a beautiful country and I'm happy here. Two, because I probably couldn't afford to stay at home during my pregnancy at home. Three, because we probably STILL wouldn't have insurance because of how much it costs at home and would be severely out of pocket for this baby. The medical system here has relieved a TON of stress from me personally and I am VERY happy with the treatment I've received here. I've always received doctors appointments the same day I call (with the exception of Nick's knee... which is a specialist). I can ask anything I need to and they don't reprimand me and say that I need a different appointment for that since it has nothing to do with what I came in for. The hospital/midwife center where I will give birth has many options (like a birth pool) that I wouldn't get at home unless I went to a specific hospital. I can't say enough good things about the system here...

I know it isn't perfect. The dental system here needs a TON of work, as does the specialist care. However, for the general needs of the public it's nice to know that it's available to everyone.

I'm off my soapbox because I have stuff to do... but I'm still riled up about it and I'm sure I'll talk about it again.

150 days to go... 150 days.

Today I was looking at my google calendar and noticed that today there are roughly 150 days until the baby is due (I say roughly, because of course it's give or take two weeks as only God knows when I'll have our baby). This excited me to no end! YAY baby! I'm so excited and happy and can't wait to meet our new little family member!

Today, being today, also means that there is only two more weeks until the ultrasound! I can't wait to see our baby on the monitor again! It's such an amazing thing to see him or her swimming around in there! This time we'll get to see the baby for longer too, since they have to take all the measurements and do all their checks. We will not find out the sex this time. We're pretty sure we aren't going to find out the sex until the baby is born. How exciting!

I've started to work on a baby blanket. I'm crocheting off and on all day, depending on how achy my fingers get. Somehow my baby blanket looks nothing like the blankets my mom crochets. I don't get that... but oh well. I think it still looks alright and I'm getting there. I tried to pick a gender neutral color that I thought was pretty (it's a dark teal color) but Nick thinks it looks really "boyish". Whoops. I was going to get two colors and do every other row each color, but I don't know how to do that. All I can do is make flat things in straight lines. I'm sorry baby, I'm not the best at making blankets. Don't worry though, Mamo (my mom) is making a blanket for you too and I won't hold it against you if you like her's better.

Oh... we went to the movies last night and I got starbursts again (this is the second time I've done that instead of getting my usual Malteasers.... I know.. crazy!) and was greeted by the same response from the baby this time. LOADS of kicks. :) Either it's way too much sugar for the little person, or they really like starbursts. Nick thinks it's all in my head so I think I may get some and let him listen with the fetal monitor until he can feel them himself. It's too funny. Seriously, like 5 minutes after I eat one... it's like the baby is doing aerobics in there! Love it!

It's two weeks until we leave for Wales again (we're supposed to leave right after the ultrasound)... this time for nearly three weeks! It should be exciting and we're looking forward to it. It'll be good to see everyone again and to finish up some projects with Deeptrek. It's also about 6 weeks (well... 6 weeks 2 days) until Cris comes to visit. Fun stuff coming up!

OH! I almost forgot. Lord help me.... I finally caved in and decided to get a couple new bras because it was getting to the point where it was painful. So I've moved up from my lovely 36 C's to the ridiculous 40 D's. Yeah... no wonder my ribs were killing me that one week (if I didn't write about it, I've complained to a couple of people... it hurt to breathe or move really because it felt like my ribcage was breaking and poking my lungs) ... they were expanding 4 inches. Nick seems to think it's great, while I on the other hand am a little concerned. Yeah, big boobs are cool and pretty to look at, but oh my gosh are they heavy! Everyone keeps telling me... "oh you just wait until your milk comes in" and I'm not sure I want to! How big are they going to get?!

Belly Post (18 weeks)

I thought I'd put up a picture of me when I'm not in my pj's. I was getting ready for bed though, and since I had just bought that dress that day it hasn't been ironed yet... so excuse the wrinkles! Someday I'll take a decent picture! I just usually forget until the night time and so I'm scrambling to get it done before I go to bed.

Parenthood

Every now and then it hits me... I'm going to be a Mom. Nick is going to be a Dad. Wow.

I really get to thinking about what it's going to be like to look into the eyes of our child and see bits of ourselves inside. It's a really huge feeling. I can't describe it any other way. Huge. It's one I've always looked forward to and one I still am so excited for, but at the same time, I feel like I'm missing something. I can't wait to share all these big occasions with my parents (and Nick's too) but then I get all teary eyed because I'm not going to be able to share them with my Dad the way I really wanted to. He won't get the chance to meet our little one in the way that I had hoped. I won't get to see him hold him or her and be the one to tell him that he's a Grandpa for the first time. That utterly breaks my heart. I think it's honestly the thing in my life that hurts me the most.

I'm not sure how to deal with it because there isn't anything I can change about the situation. He's gone. I'm having a really hard time coping with that.

My child will be lucky in that he or she has plenty of people that are there to love him (6 great grandparents, 5 grandparents, 2 parents, 3 Aunts, 4 Uncles, 6 cousins so far... and loads of 2nd cousins and great aunts and uncles), but that one missing grandparent means a lot to me. I am so sad that they aren't going to see what a great story teller he was or hear his infectious laugh. I'm so heartbroken that they won't get to experience the love that he gave or how great it felt in one of his hugs.

I've been trying to avoid this whole conversation with myself because it's so difficult for me to deal with. I think that's why I've just now got around to calling Kristy to tell her that we are having a baby. I wasn't able to get a hold of her on the phone so I left her a message on her answering machine. How cheesy is that?! I felt like I cheated or something, that isn't how I would have told Dad. I feel horrible for that. I wish I had a better relationship with her but I feel like I can't because it's too damn hard. Talking to her brings back so many memories of my father, and it's hard to shut the flood gates once they are opened. Ryan is getting older now though and I know that I need to be there for him as his big sister. I have so much that I want to share with him, so much to tell him about Dad so he doesn't forget. He was only 3 when Dad passed away, he is bound to have limited resources when it comes to memories of him. I don't want him to forget, just like I don't want my children to not know who he was. Ya know, when I was growing up, I REALLY was sad about not ever getting to meet my Grandfather (Dad-O, my Dad's father) because he had passed away before I was born. My dad spent hours telling me stories about him and I loved to listen to them. Dad would tell me how much he would have loved me and how he wished I had got to meet him. He would tell me which features of mine reminded me of his father. I just realized how much I appreciated that. Now I'm going to have to do the same.

It makes me wonder about Parenthood... and what that actually means. There are some things that, as a parent, I want to control in my child's life. I don't want them to have to experience some of the pains that I had to go through. I want them to be happy and know how much they mean to me. Even now, before my baby is born, I am terrified that I'm going to let them down or break their heart. But is that part of parenthood? Is it something that I am just going to have to get used to? Death is a really hard thing to go through, and I hope that I can at least better prepare them for it than what I was with Dad. I hope they don't have to let us go as soon as I had to let Dad go. I don't know why I keep saying "let"... like I had a choice.

I miss my Daddy, more than I can say. I hope my child is old and gray before they feel the way I feel.

Wannabe Craft Freak

I am in a really crafty mood lately... All I want to do is crochet or mod podge or make silhouettes or decorate. However, I'm able to do none of the above due to lack of supplies. I have crocheting needles (thanks to a recent purchase on ebay), mod bodge (again... ebay), and fabric squares (need I say where from?). I don't have yarn or spare magazines (other than car ones...) or anything to mod podge, or large paper or any other required essentials for my crafty desires. It's annoying and to be honest a little depressing. Especially since I have all of the above needed items in my storage unit in Texas. That's helpful. BOO.

So, instead of being crafty, I've been a bookworm. So far this week I have finished Husband Coached Childbirth (a book on the Bradley Method), Belly Laughs (Jenny McCarthy), Baby Laughs (again, Jenny McCarthy), The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy (actually the best so far...) and am debating starting another book tonight. Our friend Liz so generously gave us several books to read when Nick was in Houston (Thanks Liz! You're a star!) so I've got another two or three from her to read. I'm also ordering one on water births from ebay (surprise surprise) and am looking forward to that.

Oh Baby!

So yesterday I felt a few "bubbles" in my lower abdomen and thought it felt a little weird. At first I thought it was just gas (what isn't gas nowadays?!) but then nothing happened. Then I felt a couple more. You know when you are a little kid and you blow spit bubbles? It feels like that when they pop. It then dawned on me that this is probably the baby! How exciting that it's not gas! haha! So I laid still and tried to see if I could feel it again. I told Nick about it and he immediately put his hand on my tummy to see if he could feel it too (nope.... too soon). For now this is just a me and the baby trick and to be honest, that's really cool. I felt it again this morning before I got out of bed and am really looking forward to them getting a little stronger and Nick being able to feel them too. I know he's excited about it and I'm looking forward to letting him in on it with us.

On another note... it has sunk in that in a couple weeks I'll find out the results from my blood tests. I wasn't at all nervous until I read about someone who's baby has Trisomy 18/Edwards Syndrome. For those of you who haven't researched this online for more than half an hour (like me last night.... why oh why did I do that?!) this is a disorder where the baby gets an extra 18th cromosome (or partial extra one). This is very serious (and is the second most likely to occur autosomal trisomy next to Down's Syndrome) and has a very low survival rate. I'm talking 95% don't make it to birth, then 50% of the remaining 5% don't make it past 2 months, then only 1% of those children make it past age 10. It's truly heartbreaking. Of course, now I am terrified. Nick and I had always said that we were ready for anything that could come our way and that we'd get through it, but now that I'm pregnant, I'm not ready for that! I hope and pray that our baby is healthy and happy, because those mothers (the one's with babies that have genetic disorders, etc) are much stronger than I am. I'm sure that if the news did come that something wasn't quite right with my baby that I'd be my usual self and look up everything there is to know on the subject and then find a way to deal with it, but I'm hoping to God I don't have to. I can't imagine losing my baby. Scratch that, I can (and do from time to time when I get in panic mode) but don't want to. So, I find out if my baby is at a higher risk for a whole load of problems in a couple weeks, so until then, forgive me if I'm a little anxious or moody.

If our baby does have a higher risk for anything, we have decided not to do an amniocentesis or CVS... we figure we'll prepare for the worst and hope for the best, but are not willing to take the risk of miscarrying the baby just because we want to find out sooner rather than later. This is our own personal decision and in no way am I saying others shouldn't.

Thank goodness I bought the fetal doppler... that thing has been SO reassuring lately. It's so nice to sit there and listen to the heartbeat and kicks with it. It somehow makes me feel so much better to know that the little heart is beating on and getting stronger.

On a lighter (or heavier... depending on how you look at it) note... GOOD LORD IS MY BUTT GETTING BIG! Geez. I can't help but sing baby got back when I look in the mirror... it's crazy. Where in the world is this coming from?! I still have not put on weight but yet my tummy, butt and boobs are getting huge! What?! How is this possible? My legs and arms aren't shrinking... so where is this fat coming from? Are my muscles shrinking? I've attached a picture (17 weeks) for you, but keep in mind, nightgowns are good at hiding booties. Oh, and yes, I now realize that my pj's are on backwards. No, I did not intend to do that. Yes, I have some pregnancy brain issues.

And Breathe....

I love my husband. In fact, he's my favorite person in the whole world. However... He's also one of the only people that can completely drive me up a wall with good news (and I don't necessarily mean that in a good way).

I love to hear him excited about anything, it makes me smile and get those butterflies in my tummy just like when we were dating (and no... it's not the baby moving around in there). The only problem with that is currently it doesn't take a lot to make me worry or get worked up about anything. With the extra blood in my system, my heart is working overtime and it's easy to confuse those extra heartbeats for anxiety or even rage sometimes. It takes me half a second to raise my voice and completely go off my rocker in a hormonal rage these days (even if it IS NOT my intention to do so, nor my desire).

Anyway- He had some exciting news to report from some of the conversations at the conference and all I could think of was the changes it would make us go through. Unfortunately, the time line for these changes would be from November (of this year) to February (of next year). HELLO!!! OUR BABY IS DUE JANUARY 17th!!! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR MASSIVE CHANGES! At least not the kind that could be negotiated to a different time frame. I'm torn between being super excited for my husband and terrified for myself and baby. I quit my job because we felt the stress/drama involved with it was not worth it to me and the growth of our baby. Why would we go against that theory and add MAJOR stress (even if the outcome is GREAT) to our lives now?

I'm not at liberty to discuss exactly what I'm talking about, so this may not make any sense... but it helps me not feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I may be overreacting, or jumping the gun a little (especially since nothing is in stone), but I am a planner and like to know everything as soon as I can. I don't like not knowing what is going to happen... especially with the possible changes drastically affecting the birth of our first child.

Would the changes better our lives in the long run? Most likely.
Would I consider them in any other time frame? Absolutely.
Could it be that I'm blowing everything out of proportion? Certainly.
Will this drive me crazy until I know what the whole story is? Without a doubt.

Urgh. I'm off to take a bath to relax and calm myself back down. I love my husband and God will work this out for me. I just need to remember to breathe.

Thanks for listening.

Sleep Deprivation or Sleep Preparation?

I haven't been able to sleep right all week and have noticed a pattern in my new sleeping habits. I am able to sleep for about 3 hours before I wake up (either because I have to pee or my hip hurts or I've realized I'm on my back or stomach). Then I can't fall back asleep until about 5 hours later. Then I'm back asleep for about 3 hours and up again for another 5. So basically, I'm still getting 9 hours of sleep a day, just in broken segments. I have tried to break this habit by having a warm glass or milk or a cup of decaf tea, reading a boring book, watching a movie I've seen a million times, just laying there staring at the ceiling... all to no avail. I now have a new theory- could it be that I'm on the same schedule as my baby? I wonder if the little person in there is awake or asleep and wonder if that's why I'm not able to sleep too. Babies usually sleep more than that though, so I'm wondering what the deal is.

On a different topic- I've decided that I don't want to find out the sex of the baby until delivery day. Well... about 98% decided anyway. The more I think about it, the more I don't want to know. I'll go into it in detail later, but as for now, I'm waiting for Nicolas to call me to let me know how his presentation went (he should be done for the day any minute) and then I'm off to bed, for it has been all of 5 hours and 12 minutes since my last nap and I'm knackered ;)

Waaahhh!

This is at 16 weeks, below is at 15 weeks... huge!


Warning: I'm in a mood at the moment so this may just be me complaining the whole time!

Ok, so I'm SUPER emotional lately and I hate it! Not only do I hate it, but it makes me MORE emotional because I get really frustrated with not being able to control how I'm feeling. I'm either super bitchy or really easily offended. Those are your two options... there is no middle ground. There isn't really a happy state or mellow state- that's all you get. I'm ready to be back to my normal self, where I'm not a spaz all the time!

Nick is gone this week (he left really early this morning and doesn't get back until Friday). I'm hoping that I am back to normal soon because this whole weepy thing is really annoying. I miss him a ton and have now realized how much I rely on him to improve my moods... I'm lonely and irritable. I look forward to talking to him so much, then when he calls I am cranky because he didn't call me sooner... poor thing! Then I get off the phone with him irritated, which follows with me being miserable and then getting mad at myself for being that way and wanting him to call again. Oh so frustrating!

I'm also really irritated by several people lately. I won't name names, but geez... if my hormones don't calm down soon I'm sure they'll realize who they are soon!

Anyway... I'm going to try and get off my tangent (no guarantees!) and update on other stuff...

Top 5 Pregnancy News This Week:

1. I'm 16 weeks, as of Sunday the 2nd... which is 3.6 months completed (so I'm almost done with my 4th month... Nic hates that method of counting!)
2. I can no longer sleep very well... which could be causing the crankiness... I can't get comfy!
3. Round Ligament pain sucks. That's all I'm going to say about that.
4. My appetite is back for the most part, but I still am not gaining weight. I have technically lost 4 pounds since I have become pregnant. I don't know whether to be happy about that or worried! Lol... I'm definitely bigger so I'm not that bothered. I think I'm going to be the size of a house by the time I'm through, I'll attach pictures in a second so you can see what I mean.
5. Nic and I are now debating if we want to find out the sex of the baby or not... At first I really wanted to, and he kind of did, but now we're not so sure. We'll find out eventually in the end anyway, what's the rush? Plus, I want to have a drug free childbirth and maybe that will help me stay motivated to finish the job if you know what I mean. We wouldn't get to find out for another month and by that time we're already halfway there... so I dunno. Is it worth it? I'm not sure.

I've been reading up on the pregnancy which is good...I feel like the more I know the better prepared I am. I've read the Pregnancy Bible, the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, and am currently reading Husband Coached Childbirth (about the Bradley Method... which is interesting). You have to take everything with a grain of salt (especially on the last two) but I'm liking the ideas. Nic can't stand Dr. Bradley, but that's because he speaks in absolutes and doesn't think that any other method is ok... which I know is false. People who have never heard of his stuff have had babies just fine, but I like the ideas behind his thinking for the most part and hope to use some of his techniques when I'm in labor. I'd like it to be a positive experience, not one where I'm screaming bloody murder at Nic for "doing this to me".

Ok... here's the pictures, I'm going to try and go to bed (I've tried for a couple hours then gave up and am now ready for trying again... it's 2:30! )

I can't get the pictures to go where I want them and I'm too grumpy/sleepy to mess with it so they're staying up there. @#$%!