Thursday, 6 August 2009

And Breathe....

I love my husband. In fact, he's my favorite person in the whole world. However... He's also one of the only people that can completely drive me up a wall with good news (and I don't necessarily mean that in a good way).

I love to hear him excited about anything, it makes me smile and get those butterflies in my tummy just like when we were dating (and no... it's not the baby moving around in there). The only problem with that is currently it doesn't take a lot to make me worry or get worked up about anything. With the extra blood in my system, my heart is working overtime and it's easy to confuse those extra heartbeats for anxiety or even rage sometimes. It takes me half a second to raise my voice and completely go off my rocker in a hormonal rage these days (even if it IS NOT my intention to do so, nor my desire).

Anyway- He had some exciting news to report from some of the conversations at the conference and all I could think of was the changes it would make us go through. Unfortunately, the time line for these changes would be from November (of this year) to February (of next year). HELLO!!! OUR BABY IS DUE JANUARY 17th!!! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR MASSIVE CHANGES! At least not the kind that could be negotiated to a different time frame. I'm torn between being super excited for my husband and terrified for myself and baby. I quit my job because we felt the stress/drama involved with it was not worth it to me and the growth of our baby. Why would we go against that theory and add MAJOR stress (even if the outcome is GREAT) to our lives now?

I'm not at liberty to discuss exactly what I'm talking about, so this may not make any sense... but it helps me not feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I may be overreacting, or jumping the gun a little (especially since nothing is in stone), but I am a planner and like to know everything as soon as I can. I don't like not knowing what is going to happen... especially with the possible changes drastically affecting the birth of our first child.

Would the changes better our lives in the long run? Most likely.
Would I consider them in any other time frame? Absolutely.
Could it be that I'm blowing everything out of proportion? Certainly.
Will this drive me crazy until I know what the whole story is? Without a doubt.

Urgh. I'm off to take a bath to relax and calm myself back down. I love my husband and God will work this out for me. I just need to remember to breathe.

Thanks for listening.

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